Whispers in the Dark
by RhiHubbard
Summary: Lincoln despises everything that her twin sister, Teddy loves. Lincoln hates her job, Teddy loves her. Lincoln hates men while Teddy loves her longtime beau, Juice. Lincoln hates SAMCRO but Teddy loves SAMCRO and the future it holds for her. With time, everything changes for Lincoln as she is brought back into the whirlwind of the club while falling deeply and madly in love.
1. Chapter 1

My mom named my twin sister and me after U.S Presidents. Our dad had no say, which was obvious for Theodora, Teddy for short, and I at a young age because instead of being picked on for our incredibly lame names we would have been Samantha and Amanda, the coolest girls around…But like I said, my dad had no say. Mom used to tell us stories when we were younger on how her father used to give her books upon books about the United States Presidents and how fascinated she was by their lives and what they were able to do and not do for our country. Teddy and I would get bored with her rambles and it was usually how she got us to sleep at night. Mom tried to get Teddy and me to read the books that she had received from her father but we just were not interested. It hurt her at first. She wanted us to have some sort of connection that she had with her father. But I was just so mad at her for naming me Lincoln. And I've never really gotten over it.

"Is your name really Lincoln?"

I stared down at the young girl, whose pigtails looked a little too tight, as I placed her chocolate milk in front of her.

"Yes it is," I replied, forcing a smile.

"Like the car?" Her father asked with a slight laugh as he took a sip of his coffee.

"No, like the president." He looked at me quickly before turning his attention back to his menu. "Are you guys ready to order?"

I jotted down their order quickly before heading back to the kitchen. I glanced up at the clock noticing I only had a few more hours left. It was a Friday and I was off on Saturdays so I was looking forward to heading to my apartment, which I shared with Teddy, and curling up on the couch and eating Chinese food until I couldn't feel sorry for myself anymore. But who was I kidding? My life more than sucked. I was twenty-three years old, a struggling waitress at a shitty ass diner in the middle of motorcycle town, where grown men thought it was fun to ride bikes and talk about nonsense all the while causing a constant uproar. It felt like every other day something in Charming was happening and more and more people were making their way out. I would have left too if I actually had an idea on what I wanted to do with my life or if I had any sort of grip on who I was. All I had was the name Lincoln and the questions that surrounded my name and how people were fascinated with it when all it was, was a name.

Several hours later I clocked out and split my tips with the busboys before heading out and taking in the California air. I started up my car, rolled down my windows, and drove on home. Teddy's car wasn't there when I pulled into the apartment complex which was pretty predictable. Teddy was almost never home spending almost all her time at Cara Cara, her workplace. She was an "actress" as she called it but I preferred "adult entertainer" even though she hated it when I said that. Teddy had been working at Cara Cara for the past two years secretly since my parents were never allowed to know. I had found out through a friend when he texted me and asked since when was I doing porn. I knew I wasn't taking off my clothes for the camera but my lovely sister, who of course looked just like me, must be. I was sworn to secrecy and I decided to keep her secret knowing how shit would erupt if our parents found out. As long as she never told me about her day at work I was cool with it. We both needed to make money and if she wanted to do it her way than I couldn't stop her.

I opened the front door and walked right to the junk drawer in the kitchen looking for the menu for the Chinese restaurant. I noticed a note on the counter and picked it up. **I'm out with Juice. We're going to the Lava Lounge. Meet us at 9 if you want to come. Hope to see you – Teddy **

I rolled my eyes as I crumped up the note and threw it in the trash can. I might have approved of Teddy's choice of employment but I did not approve of her boyfriend. Juice was a member of the Sons of Anarchy, the motorcycle club that had slowly ruined the town of Charming. Teddy had met him while working at Cara Cara since the club owned part of it and they just hit it off. He was always around the apartment but I tried not to show any interest in him. Teddy hated that I didn't approve of Juice but I just couldn't get myself too. He was everything that Teddy should steer clear of. She deserved better but I guess in a lot of aspects Teddy deserved a type of boyfriend that was on the same level of her degrading job. She always tries to tell me to see him as she sees him but all I see is a guy with a Mohawk and tribal tattoos on his head.

The phone rang suddenly and walked over to it and picked it up. "Hello?"

"Lincoln, hey, what are you doing?"

"Hey Mom, nothing. I just got home from work. What are you doing?"

"I'm waiting for your father to get home from a meeting so we can go out to eat. Do you want to join us?"

"No, I'm okay. What kind of meeting?"

"Oh ya know…" And then there was that other thing. My dad was the lawyer and trusted and loyal friend of the Sons of Anarchy. He knew everything. Well almost everything since he still hadn't found out that Teddy was working for Cara Cara.

"Right," I replied. "Well I was just about to order myself some food. So I better get going."

"Well come visit soon, I haven't seen you in a while. You shouldn't always be alone, Lincoln."

"I'm not always alone." I could just see the look my mother was probably giving me.

"You know I don't believe that."

"What if I like being alone?"

"Then I feel sorry for you."

"Thanks Mom."

"Seriously Lincoln, you're a beautiful young woman. Any man would be lucky to have you. You just have stop holding yourself back. I'm sure Teddy could introduce you to someone."

"Not sure I'd be interested in anyone Teddy brings home for me," I said with a chuckle.

My mom laughed too. "Yeah, I mean, I never thought she'd end up with Juice either but how can you stop love?"

"That's true, but I have to go. I'll talk to you soon."

"You better, I love you."

"I love you too," I responded before hanging up the phone and placing it back in its holder.

After calling in my order, I went to the bathroom to take a long shower. I hated how even after I shower I still could smell the diner all over me. Maybe that was the reason I never wanted to date anyone…Because I always smelt like pickles and ketchup, even though Teddy swears I never smelt like pickles and ketchup. I brushed my hair and put on some comfy pajamas just as there was a knock on the front door.

I was able to eat my Chinese food in peace until there was another unwanted knock on the front door. I groaned as I got up from the couch and looked through the peephole. I thought about not answering but if she had seen my car she knew I was here. Plus there was the good fact that I was always here.

I opened the door and stared at Hayley Morrow, my long lost best friend. We hadn't spoken in a few days, both of us doing our own thing. It was random times like this when Hayley needed to talk to someone did she come wandering to the apartment where she cried on my shoulder or brought pot for us to smoke since her landlord had yelled at her too many times for the smell.

"What up bitch?" She asked.

"What the hell do you want?"

"I'm here to kidnap you."

I stared at her. "You are here to do what?"

"Kidnap you, because you are the most un-fun and boring person I have ever met."

"I'm not inviting you."

"I don't need to be invited in," she replied as she pushed past me and into the living room. "As cute as those PJ's look on you, you need to change."

"I'm not going anywhere Hayley."

Hayley turned around and gave me one of her looks. I had met Hayley back in high school and we clicked pretty quickly. Her father is Clay Morrow, the current president of SAMCRO and one of the founding members. Her mother Gemma, is a real hard ass and crack downs on Hayley for anything. Gemma always had good intentions though. But anyone could see that she was just preparing her daughter for the life that lied ahead for her. SAMCRO was going to be Hayley's life whether or not she became an old lady.

"Everyone is going to the Lava Lounge!"

"I don't care what everyone else is doing."

"This is why you have no friends."

"Then why are you here?"

"That's a good fucking question," she said as she plopped down on the couch picking up my carton of sweet and sour chicken. "I'll wait while you get ready."

I sighed realizing I had no real way out of this one. Hayley had a way of getting what she wanted. Maybe it was because I didn't feel like hearing her talk all night long which forced me into my bedroom where I picked out an outfit to wear to the Lava Lounge. I had been there a few times and gotten pretty shit faced there on my twenty-first birthday with Teddy. The Lava Lounge brought nothing but memories of emptiness. Every time I had been there I had become too wasted to remember a thing.

I walked out into the living room and Hayley looked up at me. "You look so hot."

"It's nothing." I looked down at my outfit. I was wearing a top that fell to my midsection, tight blue jeans, and boots. It wasn't something I would normally wear but every outfit I would even think to wear would have been vetoed out by Hayley.

"We need to get you laid tonight."

"Is that a joke?"

"Seriously, when was the last time you had sex?"

"I don't think that's any of your business."

Hayley jumped off from the couch and pulled out lipstick from her back pocket. It was a pretty pink, which was an odd color for Hayley considering all the black she wore, and she placed it on my lips.

"Lipstick always makes things better."

"Thanks for the tip."

She smiled at her finished work and popped a bubble from the gum in her mouth. "Let's head out."

The Lava Lounge was extremely dark and smelt like smoke. This was a very typical atmosphere as Hayley and I walked in at around ten o'clock. The bar was in the middle with tables surrounding the outside. There was a dance floor toward the front which was surprisingly heavily occupied. Hayley pulled me toward one of the oval tables in the corner where I could see Teddy and Juice as well as other members of SAMCRO.

"Oh my God!" Teddy shouted and jumped up from Juice's lap. "You're fucking here!"

She threw her arms around me and I could smell a mix of vodka and vanilla on her. "Don't sound too surprised."

She pulled back and looked me up and down. "Jesus, what are you wearing? Is this really you, Linc? Or am I staring at myself?"

I rolled my eyes. "Good one, Teddy."

She smiled and kissed my cheek. "Come on, let's get you a drink." She turned around and shouted toward Juice, "I'm getting drinks. You want?"

Juice nodded as we headed towards the bar. The bartender, Ryan, who had been working here for years, walked right up to us. Teddy put in our order without even asking me what I wanted. It wasn't quite a surprise for me though, Teddy was seven minutes older and therefore thought she controlled me. I tried not to make too much of a stink about it because Teddy could get pretty nasty when you fight with her.

"How'd Hayley get you here?" Teddy asked over the loud music.

I could barely hear myself think. "It wasn't too hard. I just gave up and came."

"You made a good choice, it's nice to see you out."

I smiled at Teddy as Ryan handed us our drinks. I took a sip of mine. Teddy had gotten me straight up vodka. She was insane and trying to kill me. I thought about leaving it at a random table while we walked back but I didn't want to be rude. Teddy was only trying.

I took a seat at the table next to Hayley who was casually talking to Tig, a member of the club. Tig had gotten in Hayley's pants a few times before Clay ended that pretty quickly. Hayley was devastated but she has been secretly hooking up with one of the guys from Cara Cara for the past month. I was disgusted when she told me considering I knew the guy probably had an STD. But she had firmly stated, "No way. Luann makes them all get tested. He is so good at oral." And in my head I'm like _Of course he is. He's a porn star. _

"It's good to see you out tonight Lincoln." I glanced over at Juice and smiled slightly.

"Yeah, I guess it's good to be out."

"Cheers," he said and lifted up his glass. I picked up my glass and clinked it with his. I took a small sip and it burned the entire way down. I could kill Teddy.

The music seemed to only get louder and louder as I felt my mind wandering. I kept up conversation with Hayley and Tig and finished my glass of vodka and went back up with Hayley for a soda instead. I wanted to kill my buzz before it got out of control. The Lava Lounge was not winning tonight.

On our way back to the table it was then I noticed a particular blonde sitting in what was once my seat. I could feel my stomach churn and I became lightheaded. Hayley and I reached the table and she was able to sit right back down. Every seat was taken and I felt like the odd one out.

"Oh my, I'll move," Teddy said before getting up from her seat and plopping down on Juice's lap.

I faked a smile as I sat down. I tried to ignore his presence but it only grew more and more. Suddenly, he moved closer to me. He leaned toward me as his lips brushed my ear.

"You can't ignore me forever."

"I'll try my hardest."

Jax chuckled. "Come on Lincoln, give in to me."

"Every time I do you always run," I stated and wrapped my arms around myself feeling like I was setting some sort of ground between Jax and me.

"Not on purpose, darlin'."

I finally took it upon myself to look over at him. "You really think I believe that?"

"It's been years Lincoln."

"And I still can't seem to forget it," I replied as I stood up and walked right on out of there. I tried to catch my breath as I stood outside the Lava Lounge and realized it had won again.

* * *

**Well, well, well, what do you guys think? Pretty excited for this story. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you ****Mommajo, ****Amnex, ****Emmettluver2010, ****NL92, ****cleo.001, and ****Harlowe and Co for reviewing! As well as all the others who favorited and followed. Took me a while to get this chapter all together but I think it answers some questions any might have about Lincoln and a few other characters. I hope ya'll like (:**

* * *

I didn't feel like getting out of my car.

First off, it was cooler than outside. And secondly, it was a lot quieter and safer than what I was about to walk into. Both my parents cars were in the driveway and I knew I was going to get some sort of spiel on why I haven't been over, and why I'm the less caring twin, and why I need to look for a job considering the education degree I received and worked my ass off for only a year ago. Yet I always had the same responses. I was busy, I did care but in my own way, and I w_as _looking for a job but I was stupid enough to put money into a college where the career path I chose was turning up as the worst decision of my life.

Scratch that, working at a diner for less than minimum wage with shit tips was the worst decision of my life. I tried not to complain too much about working at the diner but it was shit. It was my shit that I couldn't get out of. After I graduated college I had begun my long, long search on trying to find an elementary school that was hiring. I had signed up to be substitute and I was able to work a few days a week at a school in Lodi but my father didn't like the atmosphere. I wasn't quite sure what I was going to do when September rolls around but I figured if Teddy was getting away with working at Cara Cara than I could get away with working in Lodi. Working as a substitute teacher gave me some extra cash in my pocket while also distinguishing myself as a possible full time teacher. I loved the kids I got to work with and they always made me ten times happier which made it bearable for when I had to work night shifts at the diner. However, it was a constant thought in my mind on whether or not I was doing the right thing. I liked to think that getting a college education, unlike Teddy, and having a degree had me ranked pretty high up there in Charming but I was turning out just like the rest. Lost and confused. And I hated myself for feeling that way.

Suddenly, there was a knock on my window and I jumped. It was my father.

"Are ya going to sit there all day?"

I rolled my eyes as I grabbed my bag and opened the car door. I stepped out and looked up at him. He was wearing dress pants and shirt, his normal attire, and the wrinkles on his face were becoming more and more prominent. He hated his job, I knew that, but he was in too deep. As soon as he signed up for the SAMCRO payroll he was screwed.

"How have you been?" He asked before kissing my forehead.

"Uh good, how have you been?"

He shrugged. "I guess I could be better. Now come on in. Your mother will be happy to see you."

I followed him up the porch steps and he opened the screen door, letting me in first. My mother, Lauren was in the kitchen and she dropped the towel in her hand as she threw her arms around me. I got along with my mother well and we shared a lot of similar qualities but she had such high hopes for me and I couldn't understand why she did. Mom gave up on Teddy long ago, especially after she started dating Juice, and I became her star. I was the one who had to do something with my life since Teddy threw hers away. The weight on my shoulders was becoming too much.

"If it isn't my baby girl, I've missed you around here Lincoln."

"I missed you too Mom," I said as I pulled away from her embrace. "What are you cooking?"

"Your favorite! Chicken, mashed potatoes, corn."

I smiled. "Sounds great." I walked over to the table and put my bag on it. Dad was standing in the doorway to the kitchen eyeing me curiously. He was probably wondering where Teddy was since he invited both of us for Saturday night dinner. She had texted me about an hour ago saying she was having a long night at Cara Cara but I couldn't give out that information to my parents. I was left to lie, like always.

"Teddy won't be able to make it," I said finally. "A work thing."

My parents thought she worked at TM with Gemma and surprisingly enough the Sons had done a brilliant job of covering it up. The never met with my father at the clubhouse and if my father was needed at TM they made sure to have Teddy there. It was one of the few things that my father had no idea that the Sons were hiding. Of course there had to be more but that secret was pretty big. The Sons only took Teddy seriously because she was the money maker to Cara Cara and Cara Cara was booming. In the last four months alone Teddy's work had brought in some serious cash and the club liked her. She was Juice's old lady and the reason everyone was living so comfortably. If my father found out and tried to stop Teddy it would be the end of my father. It was better to protect them both.

"Seriously? The really couldn't let her go for one night?"

I shrugged. "You know Gemma."

Mom knew I was covering up for Teddy and probably thought it was because she was with Juice so she changed the conversation. "Linc, honey, want something to drink?"

"Uh, whatever you're having."

She nodded before heading to the refrigerator. I slumped down at one of the chairs around the table and smiled up at my mother when she placed a glass of wine in front of me.

"Thanks," I responded.

Dinner wasn't terrible but how could it be when I had mom's food in front of me? My parents spoke a lot about what was going on in their lives. Teddy and I both knew that when we moved out three years ago that Mom and Dad were going to drift away from each other. Teddy and I were what kept them together. Mom hated that Dad worked for SAMCRO. I guess I was my mother's last hope because I was the only one who hadn't been sucked into the ways of SAMCRO, or at least not indefinitely. My mother never spoke badly about the club and she was happy that Teddy had found someone but I knew it wasn't what she wanted. How could anyone blame her? SAMCRO was toxic.

I hugged my mother for a second time as I stood at the front door saying my goodbyes. Even with us living so close our lives were hectic. However, I could see the sadness in my mother's eyes. I would have to visit her soon.

"Please come by soon."

"I will, and you can always come to see me."

She smiled. "I always forget that."

Dad walked me to my car and opened the driver's side door for me.

"How is everything financially?" He asked. I knew this eventually would come out. And of course he would wait until Mom wasn't in earshot.

"Everything is fine."

"Do you need any money?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't. We don't."

Three years ago when Teddy and I decided to get an apartment together we put the down payment with all of our own money. We had planned it when we were eighteen and it took us a long time to get the money all together. When we finally got it a lot of our friends thought our parents had bought it for us considering the money our father made. That wasn't that case. Dad never kept the money he made with the Sons. All the money he ever made came from other clients and ones where he knew the money wasn't coming from illegal activity. I knew Dad would have left a long time ago but he was a good lawyer. He was reliable and he came through when the Sons needed him. Dad gave the money he got from SAMCRO to charities. I guess it made him feel like he was doing something good in the shitty situation he was in. Of course, Teddy and I had a great childhood but from a young age Mom instilled it in our brains on the importance of money and how to work for it. We weren't those spoiled kids growing up and when Teddy and I turned fifteen, we both got jobs to pay for the things that we wanted. I bought my first car when I was seventeen and our logical outlook on how to keep and handle money helped us to get an apartment.

"Are you sure?" He asked again.

"Seriously, we're fine. Teddy and I have a lot saved up. And you know even if we were struggling we'd never come to you."

He smirked. "Are you struggling?"

I was struggling but Teddy wasn't. "Nope, we're good."

"I hope you're telling the truth."

"Goodnight, Dad." I got into my car and drove off.

* * *

I had been knocking on Hayley's apartment door for what felt like hours. I didn't feel like going to an empty apartment and when I drove by Hayley's place I saw her car. I figured I'd pay her a visit. She had been calling me nonstop after I left the Lava Lounge unexpectedly last night and I figured I owed her some good quality Hayley/Lincoln time.

Finally, the door opened slightly and Hayley's head peaked out. I knew what this meant. She had a boy over or a girl over. She seemed to swing both ways so I never knew who to expect.

"What do you want?" She asked in a hushed whisper.

"Wow, it's so nice to see you."

She rolled her eyes before stepping out and closing the door behind her. She pulled her robe tighter around her and said, "I'm a little busy."

"I can tell. I just was seeing what you were doing. I wanted to hang out."

"Since when do you want to hang out with me? I always have to come find you."

"I guess it's your lucky day."

Hayley stared at me. It was rare moments like this when Hayley was extremely vulnerable that you could tell she didn't look like Clay or Gemma. And that was because it was true. Gemma and Clay adopted Hayley when she was twelve. It had only been six months after JT had died and Hayley showed up at Gemma and Clay's doorstep. Apparently, Gemma's cousin had Hayley and had been a drug addict ever since she had been born. It had gotten real bad after Hayley's biological mother met her new boyfriend and after he started sexually abusing Hayley she knew she needed to get out. She searched for months trying to find any family she had that she could go to and finally she found Gemma. It took her another few months to get the money and one day after school she packed up and took a bus to Charming. Gemma and Clay were clueless on what to do but Gemma already loved how ballsy Hayley was and they went through with adoption. It had shook up the town of Charming and Jax despised Hayley but eventually everyone came around. Hayley has showed her part and she made a name for herself. Clay and Gemma loved her like their daughter and that's what everyone knew her as. Hayley didn't talk much about her life as a child but I knew it must have been rough. I figured that's why she threw herself so much into sex. It never meant anything to her. I guess in Hayley's twisted way it was how she copes.

"Can I come in?" I asked.

"No!" She shouted before she looked up at me. "I mean, no you can't."

I smirked. "Who's here?"

"No one."

"Having fun by yourself?"

"Obviously."

I sighed. "Fine, I guess. I'll just talk to you later."

"Alright," she said as she opened her door and began to step in.

"Babe, who was that?"

I stopped in my tracks as I turned around to face Hayley. She had her head in her hands and my jaw was dropped.

"Is that Happy?"

"No…"

"Oh my God!" I shouted as I pushed open the door to see the cut on the floor and a trail of clothes leading to her bedroom. "Jesus, Hayley. Why don't you just get with everyone in the club! What the fuck happened to the porn star?"

"Porn star?" I looked up as Happy entered the living room, a towel around his waist. Ugh this was too much for me. I should have just gone home. "You were with a porn star?"

Hayley giggled. "Once. He wasn't as good as you babe."

I could throw up. "Well I'm going to leave you two to it."

"Oh don't go now!" Hayley shouted and grabbed my hand. "We were going to get dressed and go to the clubhouse. There's a party tonight. You should come with us."

"I think I'll pass."

"You said you wanted to hang out with me, Linc, please!"

"As long as I never have to see this," I pointed from her to Hap. "Again."

"Deal!"

* * *

If my mother could see me now she would be overly disappointed. I hadn't been in the SAMCRO clubhouse in years and being back didn't bring back the greatest of memories. The club was filled to the max with members, crow eaters and hang arounds. I was sitting at the bar trying to figure out exactly what I was doing there when Teddy and Juice walked in. Teddy immediately caught my eye and came running over. She was wearing a skimpy outfit and I wondered how she could stand to dress like that. If I hadn't known any better I would think she was a crow eater.

"Oh my god, Lincoln, what a surprise. What are you doing here?" She pulled me up into a hug.

"Uh…Hayley brought me here. I figured I'd come and see if these parties are still living up to the hype."

Teddy smiled. "Of course they are."

She sat down next to me as a croweater approached her. "Hey, Teddy, how are ya tonight? Can I get you anything?"

"Just a soda." She started to walk away when Teddy reached out and grabbed her wrist. I could tell Teddy was gripping it tightly when the girl winced. "Aren't ya gonna ask what my sister wants?"

"Oh no Teddy, I'm fine." I knew the girl was only doing her job. I wasn't an old lady. She didn't have to get me anything.

"Sorry Teddy," she responded and looked over at me. "Lincoln, what do you want?"

I felt like I had to answer. "Soda, please."

She nodded and Teddy dropped her grip on her wrist. She hurried off and I stared at my sister.

"What the fuck was that?" I asked.

"What?" Teddy asked as she flipped her long blonde hair behind her shoulder. "She was being rude."

"She was doing her job."

"I may be an old lady but nobody is gonna treat my sister like a pile of dirt."

"I rather be treated like a pile of dirt."

"That's a lie, you liked it when you were dating Jax."

I glared at her. "Why would you bring that up?"

"I'm just saying. They treated you how they treat me now. It's sad though, not one of these girls are up to the standards for a member."

"And you are?"

She smiled at me. "I'm the porn star, so of course."

The crow eater was back and she placed the drinks in front of us. I thanked her and so did Teddy, surprisingly and we talked for a little while before Juice walked up to us. He threw his arm around Teddy and I admired them. Teddy was happy. And I wanted that for myself. I just knew I would never get that happiness around here.

"Two nights in a row, Lincoln. This is a record."

I smiled at Juice. "The record ends tonight."

Teddy frowned. "Why are you so lame?"

"Thanks, Ted. Maybe you should call our parents sometime. I can't be the messenger forever," I told her as I stood up and grabbed my bag. It was time for me to go.

"Yeah, right. I'll go see them tomorrow."

"Great, now I'm gonna head out. I have the morning shift tomorrow."

"You should really just accept Gemma's offer to work here, Lincoln. Then you could get out of the diner and spend more time looking for a job at a school."

"It's fine. The diner is just my routine."

"Exactly, maybe it shouldn't be."

I hugged my sister and made my way for the door. The temperature had dropped slightly as I walked towards my car.

"Leaving so soon?"

I jumped, my keys landing on the ground, as I swung around to see Jax. He was sitting on his bike, he must have just gotten here since I hadn't seen him in the clubhouse.

"I have a job that I need to be at in the morning, so yeah I am leaving."

"You should stick around?"

"Why would I do that?"

"You know Tig will get real drunk, he always puts on quite the show."

I half smiled. "He's already there."

"And you want to miss out?"

I leaned down and picked up my keys. "What do you want, Jax?"

"I guess I could ask you the same question."

He got off his bike and walked over to me. He pulled out a cigarette and handed it to me and then took out one for himself. He lit mine and I took a long drag. My mother would definitely kill me.

Jax and I leaned up against my car in a fashion that I was once used to. It had been two years since shit hit the fan for Jax and me but it still felt raw.

"Your birthday is coming up." Jax pointed out.

"Yes it is."

"You're getting old."

"Twenty-four isn't bad. Only two years younger than you."

"Juice wants to throw a huge thing for Ted."

"So I've heard."

"Your name came up too, don't think we forgot about you."

"Oh I would hate if you did," I replied sarcastically.

"One thing I miss…Your attitude."

"That's all you miss?"

Jax smirked as he took a final drag and dropped his cigarette to the ground. "If I told you other things I missed, you wouldn't be too happy."

Now it was my turn to smirk. "You have a good night, Jax Teller."

I began to open my car door when Jax stepped towards me. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want to be caught up in him again. It had only hurt me in the end and took my forever to get over.

"Just stay awhile?"

"Why?"

"To keep me company."

"One of the crow eaters will gladly suck your dick."

"Damn so feisty, but my dick is gonna stay in my pants tonight."

I stared at him. "So what do you want from me?"

"Come to the roof."

And just like every other time, I was absorbed in him. So we went to the roof.


	3. Chapter 3

**Another update that took me forever to get up! So sorry! **

* * *

"WAKE UP!"

I groaned in my sleep as a body jumped on top of me. I was afraid to open my eyes knowing it was early and I cursed myself for not placing a sign on my door the night before stating that I didn't want to be woken even if it was my birthday and my only day off for the rest of the week. I had requested off from the diner and to spite me the manager had me working nonstop all weekend. It didn't matter that Saturdays were my day off because I had the nerve to ask off in the first place. It was extremely unholy to them.

"Hayley, I swear to fucking god," I said through gritted teeth.

"Oh shut up, Linc! It's your birthday!" She was now shaking me awake. I wanted to smack her. "You're twenty-four. You're old. Teddy's old. We need to celebrate. Birthday shots!"

I slowly opened my eyes and glanced at my clock. Eight o'clock…No surprise there. For as long as I've known Hayley she has always made an unwelcome visit on the morning of my birthday. She used to annoy Teddy too but after Juice started sleeping here she didn't like seeing the two of them naked in Ted's bed. I had to agree with her. I had been there too often. Juice and Teddy always walked around like I didn't live here. It was disturbing and kind of rude.

"Hayley, its eight o'clock in the morning. No birthday shots."

"It doesn't matter what time it is! You can take a shot at any time of the day."

"Are you fucking high?"

"I might have rolled a joint this morning."

I pushed her off me. "What the fuck? Did you sleep at all?"

Hayley sat Indian style on my floor and smiled as she grabbed a picture of Teddy and I off my nightstand. She looked at it before she said, "I'm falling in love."

I grabbed my pillow and threw it at her. "Get out!"

"I need a girl to talk too!"

"I don't want to hear your shit. You are not falling in love with Happy."

"Yes I am," she whined. "This past week has been the best of my life. He is even going to talk to Clay and everything. We are going to be together."

I covered my ears so I couldn't hear her talk. Hayley always thought who ever she was screwing around with was "the one." Not too long ago that person had been Tig, and the girl she was sleeping with, and the porn star too. I had had this conversation with Hayley too often. She lusted. She never loved.

"I hope that works out for you."

"Oh shut up you bitch," she replied throwing the pillow back at me. "Just because I'm not sexually frustrated doesn't mean you have to be so mean to me."

"I am not sexually frustrated."

"You definitely are. You haven't had sex in months."

"Why the hell would I ever tell you when I have sex?"

She stared at me. "If you were having sex I would know about it. Like honestly, you need to get laid tonight. I am going to find you someone real special."

"Be gone!"

"Fine!" She shouted back. "If you aren't in the living room in thirty minutes I'm coming back in here."

Hayley slammed my door shut and I jumped. She never let you win. I decided not to lounge around so I went right into my bathroom and into the shower. I took my time and did my hair and makeup, even though I probably wasn't going anywhere special today. When I went into the living room I heard major racket in the kitchen and found Hayley cooking pancakes.

"Don't worry, I bought it all with my own money. I figured I'd treat you and Ted. And of course Juice because when isn't that man here?"

"Hey, I'll take breakfast," I said as I took a seat at the island. "So what's going on with Happy?"

"I thought you would never ask," she said with a smile as she placed a plate in front of me. "He's just so special to me, Lincoln. Like when I see him I get butterflies and for the first time in my life it isn't just about the sex to me. I really want to know him. I want to be with him. I actually could see myself starting a family with him. And I know that sounds totally sappy and so unlike me but it is true."

Now those were words that normally never came out of Hayley's mouth. She was always about the sex and never about the relationship. I couldn't actually blame her. She had it rough but I guess I had to be happy for her considering she found something when she said she would never look for it. Maybe Happy was the one who was going to make Hayley see that being with someone isn't always about the intimacy and about a bunch of other things. I was secretly jealous that Hayley had beaten me in finding someone.

"No, I think that's great Hayley. You deserve to be happy."

"Yes, I deserve to be happy with Happy."

I smiled as Juice walked into the kitchen wearing nothing but his boxers. He was very inconsiderate but he had a lot to show off. He had a nice body…But I would never say that to Ted. I mean, I can't believe I just said that myself. I quickly looked away from him.

"Oh my God, who made the pancakes?"

"I did but they aren't for you. It's for Ted and Lincoln."

"How are you going to do that to me, Hayley?" Juice asked as he opened up the refrigerator and took out the orange juice. "I deserve to eat too."

"You will, when I feel like making more."

Juice glared at her and Hayley rolled her eyes. Finally, Teddy strolled into the kitchen with a robe wrapped tight around her. I could only imagine what Hayley was thinking. Probably along the lines that my sister was getting laid and that I deserved the same. But I wasn't the kind of girl who hooked up with random people. I actually liked when it meant something. But finding a guy who wasn't all about the sex was hard to find.

"Happy birthday sister," she said before wrapping her arms around me.

"Happy birthday," I replied.

"I'm still older."

"I'll never forget it."

She winked at me before pouring herself a glass of OJ. Hayley gave Teddy her plate of pancakes before returning to the stove to make some for her and Juice. We spent about an hour sitting around the island eating and talking before Juice got a call that he needed to be at the clubhouse. He left pretty quickly and then it was just us three girls. We planned to do some shopping and while Teddy went to get ready I called our mother to see if she wanted to come with us. I was finally able to ask her after she sang happy birthday to me and Teddy. It was her ritual and I couldn't say I didn't love it.

The shopping choices in Charming weren't great so we took the drive out to Oakland. Oakland, I knew, had its rough spots but the shopping mall was in the good part of town. Teddy was still nervous about Juice finding out that she was shopping in Oakland and her anxiety eventually forced us to leave. I had no idea why she was making such a big deal about it but I knew she couldn't talk about it. From what I knew Juice let Teddy in on everything. There were some old ladies who knew nothing and old ladies who knew everything. There was no in between. I had been the one to know everything and that's what ruined me.

On our way home, Teddy waited in the car while I ran into the grocery store to grab milk. We barely had any and Teddy loved milk at the oddest of hours. Teddy couldn't get out and get it herself so since I was "younger" I had to grab it. When I went into the store, especially for just one thing, I was on a mission. I reached the dairy section and was blocked by a tall man who was, of course, in front of the almond milk that Teddy so desperately needed. For a porn star she took her milk super seriously.

"Excuse me," I said.

"Oh I'm sorry." This voice sounded familiar.

The man turned around and my jaw dropped slightly. "Troy?"

"Lincoln?"

"Oh my God, how are you?"

"Shit, it's been a while. You look great."

I smiled. "Thanks, so do you."

"How are the knees?"

"Doing pretty good."

It had been two years ago when I got hurt hurting both my ACL and MCL in both knees. It had been a gruesome incident, horrible surgery, and an even worse recovery. I had been in a wheel chair for a while before finally being allowed to walk and then physical therapy came into the picture. My recovery was slow and every time I went I became even stronger but it didn't help that my trainer happened to be gorgeous and now I was looking right at him.

"You still going to the gym and keeping up on everything?"

I nodded. "When I can get there I go. They only hurt when it rains but that seems to be typical."

"The weather can do that to ya. So what are you doing?"

"Oh just grabbing some milk for my sister. It's our birthday today and since I'm younger I get to get it."

"Well happy birthday. Your sister was always real spunky."

"Thank you and that personality trait still stands today."

Troy smiled down at me and my heart melted. He had one of the nicest smiles. He was tall, blonde hair, beautiful eyes…And his body, ugh so nice. According to Teddy he was Jax but without the cut and I wanted to smack her for ruining it for me.

"You still got that same old phone number?"

I literally almost fainted. Was this really happening to me? No one ever asked me for my phone number or even spoke to me. Guys usually flocked to Teddy even though they knew she was taken she still loved the attention. She never told Juice because he'd kill them all but Teddy was an adult entertainer and her fans loved her…So disgusting. Anyway, to almost everyone, I was the defective one. I had the scars of what SAMCRO did to you. I was the scary one, the sad one, the failure, the girl who couldn't handle the life. And if any guy knew what happened to me they would run within in a minute.

"Yeah, I do."

"Maybe I'll give you a call? Take you out for a date. Let you in on what's going on at work."

"Maybe you should do that."

"Alright, I'll talk to you soon."

Troy smiled one last time before walking past me. I could have done a happy dance right there but instead I controlled myself, grabbed the almond milk, and got the hell out of there.

* * *

It was almost six o'clock and I was sitting on the couch watching cooking shows alone. Juice had picked up Teddy about a half hour ago for dinner and even though they invited me along I just didn't feel like being the third wheel. Plus, Juice and Teddy were an extreme PDA couple and I hated being there for that. There was only so much hugging and touching and kissing I could take and it was a very tiny amount. I mean it was enough for me to see them half naked all the time.

My phone vibrated next to me and I picked it up. I wasn't completely surprised by the phone call I was receiving but I answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, happy birthday."

"Thank you. Thanks for calling that was nice of you."

"You want to let me in?"

I thought about it for a minute. "Yeah, hold on."

I got up from the couch and walked to the front door. I opened it and allowed Jax to walk in. It had been a very long time since Jax had been in my apartment and it actually felt pretty normal.

"Can I get you a drink? I have water and almond milk."

"Almond milk?" He questioned.

"My sister drinks it, supposedly it's super healthy. Keeps her body in good shape or whatever. But honestly I think it's from all the sex she has…Obviously."

Jax smirked when I handed him the water bottle. "I don't know how Juice does it."

"She's a cool cat…She's just a little crazy."

"I've always liked Teddy. And the club has major respect for her. She makes great business."

I put my hand up. "I'm done with that conversation."

"Got it."

We were silent and I felt the need to talk but I had no idea what to say. It had only been a few days ago when Jax and I were sitting on the roof where everything just came back to me. And I was so scared of feeling something for him again but it was like my heart was telling me to just do it. Yet I knew Jax and I knew he moved on. He was easily finding girls to sleep with him and he seemed okay with just screwing around. I couldn't hurt myself again because that's how it would end. I would be hurt and he wouldn't.

"You having a good day so far?"

"It hasn't been bad."

"That's good. You deserve to have a nice day."

"Do I?"

Jax looked at me. "Please, Lincoln, let's not get into anything."

"I'm not getting into anything."

He shook his head. "Look, I'm not going to let you be cooped up in here on your birthday. Now go put something nice on and I'm taking you out."

"Why do I have to do anything with you?"

"Because I'm telling you that you have to."

I decided not to fight him. "Fine, give me a few minutes."

I went into my room and put on something cute. Dark skinny jeans, black pumps, and a sparkly shirt were my best bet. I knew something was up. Jax had never been good at keeping secrets but everyone knew that Hayley would spill right away so Jax was their next bet since I probably wouldn't trust anybody else. I was sure Teddy was completely clueless but I always had the brains and it wasn't hard to catch on.

I spritzed on some perfume before I opened my bedroom door and found Jax standing in the hallway looking at some of the pictures Teddy and I had put up.

"You remember this day?"

I leaned slightly toward him to get a glimpse at the picture he was talking about. It was the only photo I had up of Jax and me. After we ended things Teddy had taken everything down of him and me and put it somewhere in her room. She claimed that if the stars aligned and we got back together I would want it all back and I'm sure that would be true but Jax and I were never getting back together.

"Yeah, that was the day you asked me to marry you. Everyone had a fit, except your mother, of course."

Jax chuckled. "God you were young."

"Jesus, so were you. You really think you could have married me at twenty-three?"

"I don't know. Seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Yeah, at the time."

"Why do you keep this picture up?"

"I don't know. I must be too lazy to change the picture out."

* * *

The surprise party was at the Lava Lounge in the upstairs party room. When Jax and I showed up Teddy and Juice were already there having a drink. I looked around to see if anyone I knew was there and couldn't find anyone. That was when Juice and Jax brought Teddy and I upstairs where we were 'surprised' by our friends. On our way up the stairs Teddy and I kind of assumed that we were having a party but neither one of us expected it to be as big as it was. There was about sixty people there, most of them for Teddy, and our parents weren't which wasn't shocking. If Teddy's fellow entertainers were there then it was obvious our parents couldn't come. If there was any slip from anyone it would be come World War III.

"Were you surprised?" Hayley asked about an hour later. I was sitting at one of the table's drinking water since there was no way I was drinking alcohol. I had to work the following day and I didn't want to risk anything but Teddy was long gone.

"Of course!"

Hayley looked at me. "Don't lie."

"Then why did you ask?"

"I don't know. We have been planning it for a while. I just want you to enjoy yourself."

"I am enjoying myself."

"Really?"

I nodded. "I am. It's been great. Thank you, Hayley."

She smiled. "You're welcome. It's nice to have you out…Even if you aren't a huge fan of everyone here."

"I never said I didn't like anyone here."

"Well, let's be honest, you don't like a majority of people here."

I smirked. "You caught me."

It was only another thirty minutes of me mingling before I decided to slip on out. I was sure people wouldn't mind considering almost everyone was either stoned or wasted. The only person who saw me leave was Hayley and she gave me a wave before turning her attention back to Happy, who she was all over and not giving a shit about who saw it.

The parking lot was crowded and dark and when someone grabbed my ass I jumped. I had never seen the guy before but he smelt of beer and he was heavy. I stepped backward and glanced around to see if anyone was around. Of course there was no one. I should have asked someone to walk me to my car.

"Hey baby," he said, slurring his words. "You're looking real good tonight."

"I'm going to need you to step away."

I knew if he got ahold of me I wouldn't be able to fight him off. With his weight against mine I would lose.

"Baby, don't say that."

I ran for it. He ran too. He grabbed onto my hair and pulled me backward. I fell to the ground where not long after that he was on top of me. He was struggling trying to get my pants off and I was screaming and kicking and I couldn't understand why no one was hearing me.

"Stop it baby!" He was screaming as he used all his might to rip my jeans. I was so tired and crying and I figured I could die right there and not care.

But then there was nothing. The blood splattered on me and I was stricken with fear. His body weight completely fell on me and I used my strength to push him off me. Jax was standing over me, the silenced gun in his hand, and I about threw up.

"Was that necessary?" I asked before everything turned into darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

**So sorry for the lack of updates! It's been a busy holiday season for me. But with a few weeks off before my spring semester starts I hope to get some updates in. Happy New Year to everyone (:**

* * *

I woke up in the clubhouse. Teddy was leaning over me, a worried look in her eyes, as she placed a wet towel across my forehead.

"Jesus, Lincoln, I thought you'd never wake up."

"What happened?" I asked.

"You don't remember?"

Teddy's tone of voice allowed everything to come back to me. Of course I remembered. The big guy outside of the Lava Lounge, him ripping my jeans, me giving up, him being killed right on top of me, the blood splattering, Jax standing over me with the gun, me questioning his motives, and then passing out. Yup, I remembered.

"Shit," I mumbled.

"Don't worry. No one knows."

I rolled my eyes and sat up. "Like I give a shit. I have to go to work."

"I called out for you. I'm sorry, Lincoln. I really didn't think you should go."

"You don't get to make that call, Teddy. Unlike you every day I work is important. I need the money."

"I'll give you the money for today's work. Lincoln, you were really out of it last night. I'm sorry for being worried about the wellbeing of my sister. There was no way you would have made it through today."

I sighed. "Fine, just take me home then."

Teddy half smiled. "I can't. I have work."

"Jesus, Teddy."

She put her hand up to stop me. "I know, I know. I'm already pretty late. I was just trying to stay with you until you woke up. Juice is still here and he doesn't mind driving you home. I won't be out too late and tonight you and I will just hang out and relax."

I waved her off. "Go make a movie."

She kissed my forehead. "There is coffee made if you want some."

I rolled my eyes as Teddy skipped on out of the clubhouse. The chapel doors were closed tight and I figured most of SAMCRO was in there either discussing some club business or Jax's outrage last night that resulted in a dead man who was probably too drunk to realize what he was doing. I smacked my head trying to stop myself for feeling sorry for the man who almost raped me last night. Yet I found myself wondering if he had a family or children or if he had a rough day and took it out on an innocent bystander. All I knew was that he picked the wrong lady to mess with.

"Why you hitting yourself?"

I opened my eyes and looked up at Gemma. She had her hands on her hips and was giving me a curious look.

"You know what happened?"

"Yeah…I know. You alright?"

"I don't know."

Gemma gestured for me to get up and I followed her out of the clubhouse and over to her office. She poured me a coffee and I sipped at it while sitting on the couch. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened to me. The first time the man went through with it. Just thinking about it now made me shutter with fear. Sure, Gemma and I didn't have many things in common but not too long ago she had been in my shoes. She had felt herself being torn apart and treated like a rag doll. In many ways Gemma has been a form of emotional support for me and me for her.

"I don't blame you for being scared," she began. "I was. You were the first time. You just have to remember that this doesn't define you. It will never define you. Jax did what he had to do. That man deserved to die. You didn't know him Lincoln. You don't know if you would have been his first or if you were going to be his tenth."

I nodded my head. "I know. I just wish I wasn't such a magnet for dirty men."

Gemma chuckled. "Oh honey, you can't help that you are beautiful. You'll be fine."

"Thanks, Gemma."

We were quiet for a minute and then she asked, "How much are you making at that diner?"

"Not much, why?"

"I could really use some help around here. I'll pay you whatever you want, it doesn't bother me."

I could easily say yes and get out of working at the place that I hate but did I really want to surround myself with SAMCRO 24/7? Of course not. I'd never survive.

"Let me think about it."

"Okay. Just remember Lincoln, you mean something to me. I've always liked you."

I smiled. "I know."

Gemma and I talked for a little while before members of SAMCRO piled out of the clubhouse. I found Juice and figured I would ask him for that lift home now. I said goodbye to Gemma before exiting the office and over to Juice. Clay approached me halfway and placed a hand on my shoulder. I wasn't a huge fan of Clay because of all the secrets he kept from the club but he was the only father figure my best friend had and I couldn't be rude to him.

"You alright there Lincoln?"

"I'm fine, Clay."

"We'll keep a prospect on ya for a few days until you feel okay. Even if you don't want it, Jax requested it. Ya know the kid still loves you."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "So, there's no fighting having a prospect following me around?"

He shrugged. "Can't, we voted."

I laughed. "I'm sure you did."

"Just take care of yourself."

"Yes, sir."

Clay walked off to his bike as I walked up to Juice. He had a sad look on his face and I had a feeling he wasn't going to be giving me that lift home.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm so sorry, Lincoln."

"Yeah, yeah," I replied. "At this point I'll just walk home."

"I got pulled into club stuff, a prospect can drive you home."

I glanced over at the prospects standing around one of the outdoor tables. They were an interesting bunch.

"Alright, as long as I get the big one."

"Phil?"

"Yeah," I responded.

Juice smirked before he turned around. "Phil, get over here!"

Phil rushed over. "Yes, Juice?"

"Phil meet Lincoln. Lincoln is Teddy's sister. I need you to give her a ride home and then you are to stay with her until we tell you otherwise."

"Sure, sure, I got that. Let me the keys to the truck."

While Phil ran off into the clubhouse Jax was walking out and butterflies formed in my stomach. I felt faint and looked away from him. I had no idea what to say to him yet the burning questions that were forming in my brain would not stop.

"Hey darlin'," he said with a smirk. "You mind if I give you a ride?"

"Uh the prospect is driving me."

"He can follow, come with me."

"I think I rather drive with him."

Juice looked at me and then to Jax. He stepped back slowly and I hated him for leaving me. I would have to tell Teddy that her boyfriend couldn't just leave me with my ex-boyfriend.

"Lincoln, seriously, just come with me."

I stared up into his eyes and I could just begin to feel myself melting. Could it be true that I never stopped loving him? Even after everything we went through, what I went through? Jax wasn't good for me. I walked away from him because of that. I couldn't go back on my word. I didn't want to be a part of him or the club. But he was making it so damn difficult to follow through with it.

"Fine," I replied and followed him over to his bike. He handed me his extra helmet and I climbed on behind him. I placed my hands around his stomach lightly, barely touching him, as he started up his bike and we sped out of there.

* * *

I hated myself. That became abundantly clear when I woke up to Jax's arms around me. My head was pounding and I closed my eyes tightly hoping and praying that this was all a dream and that I had not allowed Jax into my room let alone on my bed. Every time I opened my eyes my current situation stayed the same and I hated myself. I legitimately hated myself.

I unwrapped myself from his embrace and pushed myself off the bed. I went into my bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. I looked like the type of girl who just had sex, especially the type of girl who hadn't gotten anything in months. I cursed myself for being with Jax and I vigorously washed my hands and face. Fuck me. What in the hell was I thinking?

I exited my bathroom and found Jax still sleeping on my bed. I sighed heavily hoping it would somehow wake him up so I could kick him out but it had no effect on him. He was out. And then I figured he probably needed the sleep so I let him be and went into the kitchen. That was where I found Juice and Teddy.

I stopped in my tracks as the two of them stood at the kitchen island pulling out Chinese containers from a brown bag. Teddy smiled at me before rushing over to my side.

"How are you feeling Lincoln? I hope well. I brought all your favorites from the Chinese place."

I glanced at the clock, it was almost six. "Thanks Ted, you didn't have to do that."

"Juice suggested it. I figured he was right. Now we can just stuff our faces and watch trashy TV."

My night didn't include Juice but for Ted it did. I was always third wheeling, I hated it. Then I thought of Jax in my bed and I realized I wasn't technically a third wheel. But did I want Ted and Juice to know that I had just slept with Jax? I mean, there really was no way to avoid it. The only way out was the front door and he would pass Juice and Teddy. I was screwed.

So I did the best thing I could come up with. "Jax is here."

"I knew it!" Teddy shouted and almost dropped a container full of rice. "You are glowing! I knew it had to be sex."

"Can you like not?" Juice asked and Teddy glared at him. "What?" He asked. "I really do not need to hear this."

"Then go into the living room and turn the TV way up."

Juice rolled his eyes, grabbed his food, and walked out of the kitchen. When the TV came blaring on, Teddy turned her attention back to me. I swallowed the lump in my throat as my sister stared at me, mostly likely waiting for me to tell her all the steamy details.

"So?" She asked.

"What?" I questioned.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

"Nothing happened."

"You are such a fucking liar."

"We had sex, there was nothing to it."

"What, he just came over for a booty call?"

I shook my head. "No…He…He ended up driving me home from the clubhouse. He walked me to the door, he somehow came in with me, and before I even knew what was happening he was carrying me to my bedroom where we did it…And it was hot. And it was good." Teddy's jaw dropped. "Don't look so surprised."

"Well I am. You have been so anti-Jax for years. Why the sudden change of heart?"

"I don't know. He got under my skin. Plus he's Jax…And I once loved him. And I just wanted him."

"This is all so unlike you."

"You're telling me."

Suddenly, Jax entered the kitchen. He looked disheveled and I glared over at Teddy. How much did he hear? I hoped close to nothing.

"Uh, Juice sent me in here for some food."

"Of course!" Teddy shouted and threw her hands in the air. She ran to the cabinet and pulled out an extra plate. "Just go out to Juice. Linc and I will bring the rest of the food out."

He nodded, connected his eyes with mine, before he walked out.

"Oh my God, Lincoln," Teddy began. "He is so hot. Who the hell cares about the past? That man gets better looking every single day."

"Theodora, seriously?"

She shrugged. "I'm allowed to think people are hot. It's part of my job."

"Shut up."

"Let's just try to have some fun tonight. He obviously isn't in it just for the sex if he's staying to eat."

"No, he's going to eat our food and then split. _He is in it just for the sex_."

"Well then you're a fool for allowing him into your room."

"Are you on my side?"

"Of course I'm on your side Lincoln," she said as she grabbed a few water bottles out of the fridge. She faced me. "I just know that Jax has changed. You may not want to hear that or believe that but he has. I'm the one who has noticed that because I've seen it. He hasn't been with anyone in months. He's very strict with the club and then he does his own thing. Maybe he still has feelings for you. And don't you dare say that you don't still have feelings for him because you and I both know that would be a lie. Maybe you should just open your eyes a little bit, Linc. It might be good for you."

She smiled slightly before taking the water bottles out to the living room leaving me with the food. I took a deep breath and grabbed the rest. At least I wouldn't be stuck alone with Juice and Ted.

* * *

"I know you're pissed but I had to do it."

I glanced over at Jax. We were sitting outside the clubhouse smoking cigarettes while everyone else kept piling on in. Juice and Teddy were inside getting drinks but they had been gone for twenty minutes now and it was safe to assume they weren't coming back. After our Chinese takeout, Jax got a call from Clay saying there was going to be church in twenty minutes. I was surprisingly having a great time as were everyone else and Teddy and I decided to go with Juice and Jax to wait for them with Gemma. Apparently something great must have happened today because a party began to ensue. I didn't dare ask whose life was lost today at the cost of SAMCRO but it must have been someone who needed to go.

"You didn't really have to do it," I replied as we spoke about the man who had his dirty hands on me only twenty-four hours ago.

"Yes I did. I hate when anyone comes near you."

"What?"

"You were once mine, Lincoln. I never forget that. So when someone, as disgusting as that man, comes near you I react. I don't want anyone to ever hurt you."

"But you can hurt me?" I countered.

He turned to look at me. He had this certain look in his eye, the kind of look I liked seeing when we first started dating. His look of sincerity. I had been so happy with Jax when we got together and he had been nothing but truthful with me. He confided in me with things that still make me wonder why he ever did. Jax never lied to me. He treated me more than just an old lady. We were completely and utterly in love and everyone knew it.

"We had to break things off, Lincoln."

"Yeah, I guess we did."

"Our relationship was becoming unhealthy. You were in the hospital in a situation that was my fault. And I've never gotten over that. I can't seem to forgive myself for the things I put you through."

"I knew what I was getting into, Jax. Don't think I didn't."

"I know you knew but I was supposed to protect you. And I didn't."

I shook my head. "You're insane. You always protected me, sometimes more than you should have."

Jax laughed slightly. "All to keep you safe."

We were quiet as I finished my cigarette and put into the ashtray next to me. I let out a breath before I leaned back, placing my hands on the table, and stared up at the night sky.

"Are we going to talk about today?" I asked.

"I've missed you."

"You've missed fucking me?"

"God, your mouth is so filthy."

I shrugged. "Maybe, but that's kind of the vibe I got from you."

"What? That all I missed was a good fuck?"

I shrugged once again. "Did you?"

"Lincoln, no one will ever be you. No one will ever be as good as you. Being with you today was great but I didn't just miss that. I've missed you."

"We can't do this."

"Well maybe we can just for today."

I smiled as I leaned over and kissed his cheek. I leaned my head on his shoulder as memories flooded my brain. I shouldn't want this but I did. I didn't love Jax like I used to, not as deeply but I knew one day I would again…If I let myself.

"Wanna go for a ride?"

I nodded my head. "Absolutely."

We drove for what felt like hours. It felt amazing, just like every other time. Jax brought me back to his house and I went in. We joked around while I made us French toast, everything feeling casual and normal. We were sitting on the couch when Jax flipped to the news. _Breaking news_ was written in big red letters on the bottom of the screen. A man was missing. Ron Williams. A business owner from Oakland. Father of a little girl. Divorced. Last seen in a bar in Charming. The Lava Lounge.

"Holy shit," I mumbled as I leaned toward the TV as the reporter went on with her story. I could feel Jax tense up next to me. "Holy fucking shit."

"Lincoln, its fine."

The man's picture came up on the screen. It was definitely him. It was then I noticed something more. Ron Williams was standing outside of a school, with his daughter beside him. I threw my hand to my mouth. I had served them only a week ago. He had asked me if I was named after the car. I had given him attitude and he tipped me horribly. How did I not remember last night?

"Lincoln, are you alright?"

"He was at the diner," I began. "Last week with his daughter. I waited on them."

"Shit," Jax mumbled next to me. "Linc, you can't let it get to you. I'm sorry things had to end this way."

"His poor daughter."

"Lincoln, don't do that!" Jax shouted at me, grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look at him. "You have no idea whether or not you were his first. It had to happen. Do not put yourself through this."

I closed my eyes tightly. "Please, just be with me."

He brought me to his room and I just cried. I cried for everything I was and everything I wasn't. I cried because it felt like the easiest thing in the world.

* * *

**Hope you liked! Let me know what ya thought!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed (atothekc, calijkat, Emmettluver2010, and ). I wanted to get another update up for you guys! Hope you all enjoy.**

* * *

It had been three days and the prospect was still sitting outside my apartment looking around as if at any moment someone was going to come running to my front door ready to strike. I had called Jax yesterday and asked if Phil could leave me alone but Jax wasn't having it. I didn't understand. No one was after me so I didn't really need the protection. I mean, if I really needed to be protected why wasn't Jax doing it? He would be my first choice. I've always felt safer with him.

I sighed before heading to the front door. I opened it and called down to Phil. "Hey get your ass up here. I'm sick of you standing outside."

"I'm not allowed in, Lincoln."

I rolled my eyes. "Get the fuck in here."

Phil rushed to the stairs and met me at the door only seconds later. I gestured for him to enter and he finally did. He was hesitant and I wandered into the kitchen with him slowly lagging behind.

"I won't tell him if you don't tell him."

"It's just that Jax really scares me."

I had to smile. "I know. I got your back though. It counts."

"I'm sorry Lincoln, but I don't think it does."

I looked away from him. I probably shouldn't have let Phil inside. But I liked Phil. He was nice to me. He camped outside the diner through all my recent shifts and was there when I left. Today was no exception. He was right behind me when I got home an hour ago and after my shower I decided the kid needed at least a drink or better yet a smoke.

"You want a beer?"

"You have some?"

"No, but I could run and get some."

He shook his head. "You don't have to do that."

I thought about the bag of pot in my room. Hayley had come over late last night crying over the fact that Clay didn't want her to be with Happy. I honestly found it surprising because out of every member of SAMCRO, Happy was the most reliable and trustworthy. Plus he was strong and he would do anything to protect Hayley. I guess no one was up to Clay's standards and Hayley would have to deal with that. So she dealt with it just how she deals with everything else. She brought pot to my apartment. I wasn't huge on getting high but it was something I did. I wasn't proud of it but I just went with the flow.

"I've got pot."

Phil's eyes went wide. "Who are you and where have you been all my life?"

I winked at Phil and went into my room to get it. I figured I was probably getting Phil killed since if anyone, including Juice or Jax, saw what he was doing with me he would be stripped of his prospect patch and thrown to the streets. I knew that smoking pot at the clubhouse wasn't uncommon but Phil was on orders and he shouldn't do anything to jeopardize his mental state. However, I needed to relax. Work had been stressful my last three days and my bosses were not happy with me calling out, or Teddy calling out for me. I needed a serious release. It was all harmless.

An hour later, Phil and I were sitting on the couch staring up at the ceiling. We had finished the joint I had rolled up about twenty minutes ago and I was currently enjoying feeling such a sense of calmness.

"Do you have cheese doodles?"

"Shit, no. We need to get some. And Pringles…Oh my God, I want Twinkies. Let's walk to the market down the street."

Phil and I left the apartment and headed down the street to a tiny market that was open twenty-four hours. I never usually went there because the guy who owns it gives me the creeps but I figured I had Phil this time around and my cravings were making everything an exception.

We went in both on a mission for whatever our hearts desired. I was picking up bags of Swedish fish when I felt a presence next to me. I turned slightly to see the cut and all my blurry vision caught was the VP patch. Oh fuck me.

"Hey, Mr. Teller," I said as I reached over and grabbed a box of cookie dough bites. I grabbed some Twizzlers too. "Fancy seeing you here, huh?"

"Are you a little hungry?" He asked with a smirk.

I had to play it off cool. I couldn't let Jax know I was out of sorts. I looked around and found Phil filing up a huge cup of soda. I couldn't let him know about Phil either. I didn't want Phil to get in trouble. I was suddenly afraid of Jax.

"Uh…It's that time of month."

Jax looked uncomfortable and I kept my eyes away from his as I stepped around him and toward the chips. Almost anyone could get away with saying they had their period…Well girls can. I had no idea what Phil's excuse would be.

"Looks like you have enough to feed an army."

"That's what happens," I responded and threw two bags of chips into the tiny basket I was holding. "What are you doing here?"

"I get my cigarettes here. I walked in and saw you."

I chuckled and made the mistake of connecting my eyes with his. His hand was on my shoulder in an instant. I was screwed now. Not even my fake cycle could do anything for me.

"Jesus, Lincoln you're high."

"No."

"What the fuck. Who gave you pot? How did Phil not notice this?" Then it all dawned on him. "Holy shit…Phil's high too?"

"We are expanding our minds."

"Bullshit," he replied before he left me and went up to Phil. I closed my eyes tightly. By the time I opened them Jax was pulling Phil out of the market.

I wasn't all that hungry anymore and I left my basket in the middle of the aisle before rushing outside. Jax had Phil up against the wall, spitting words at him and threatening to kill him. Okay, Jax was taking things to a whole new level and I had to intervene even though I felt like laughing at the entire situation. _SNAP OUT OF IT, Lincoln. _

"Jax, knock it off!"

Jax glared at me. "Don't even get me started with you."

I rolled my eyes. "Phil didn't give me the pot. I had it. I asked him to smoke it with me. This isn't his fault."

"Why the fuck do you have pot?"

"I don't live under a fucking rock that's why. It isn't hard to get." Jax slowly let go of his release on Phil. I could see the fear in the prospects eyes…Poor kid. I put my hand on his shoulder. "Go get your soda bud. I'll handle this."

Phil looked at Jax for permission and when Jax shrugged Phil ran off. Everything was coming together now and I leaned up against the wall as Jax fumed on next to me. Jax always hated when I smoked pot when we were together. It, of course, impaired my judgment and he didn't like that considering I was going to college and too smart to be getting high. I did it anyway because it was fun. I stopped after I got hurt and tried not to do it when Hayley brought it over but I was bad at saying no. It was the worst thing about me.

"Look, I'm sorry. I've just had a rough few days and I wanted to relax. I figured Phil needed to as well since he's been stuck watching me for the last three days. It was all harmless."

"I'm sure it was."

"Oh grow up Jackson. You act like you've never smoked pot before. Hey, you probably have in the last forty-eight hours. You're such a hypocrite."

I turned around and began to walk down the street and to my apartment. I felt Jax walk up next to me. Soon we were walking in sync and I realized how different we were. How different we looked. An older woman with two kids was heading towards us and I had to move closer to Jax to make room. The older woman gave me a sad look and I sighed. She probably thought Jax and I were together and that he abused me and that I had no way out. She probably wondered why a girl like me was with a guy like him. Jesus, why was I thinking this? I never let people's opinion bother me before. I used to be so carefree and now I just wasn't. I was reserved and nervous of what it would be like to be with Jax again and watch as all of Charming found out about it. I shook my head. I wasn't getting back with Jax. This was all the pot getting to me. My life was me and only me. It was going to stay that way.

"I'm sorry," he said finally.

"Yeah, I know."

We continued to walk in silence until we reached my apartment. Jax followed me up the stairs and I carefully opened my front door. I stepped in and turned around to face him. I didn't want Jax to come in nor did I want Phil around anymore.

"Thanks for everything. But you can have Phil back."

He didn't fight me this time. "Yeah, I'll take him. Big guy needs to sleep it off. You're a bad influence on him."

I forced a smile. "Sorry about that. Just don't blame him. And don't get rid of him either. I like him. He could do a lot for SAMCRO."

"I guess I can take that into consideration."

"I'll see you around."

"Yeah, I'll see you around."

I closed my door and leaned up against it before sliding down to the floor. I placed my head in my hands. Though we didn't even say goodbye it felt permanent.

* * *

In many ways my unspoken goodbye to Jax was final. It had been over a month since I've last seen him. It was early August now and I was working constantly at the diner. However, I had an interview only two days ago for a position at the elementary school in Charming. One of the first grade teachers died from breast cancer and as sad as everyone was the position did need to be filled. My mom was the one who called me and told me about it. One of her closest friends was a secretary at the elementary school and immediately thought of me. I knew I was more than qualified for the job and when I left the room I felt confident. I wouldn't know until a few more days, after all the interviews were over, but my mom's friend said my chances were good. I didn't want to get my hopes up though if it didn't work out.

"Who was the sixth president?"

"John Quincy Adams," I replied.

Hayley nodded and scribbled the name on her crossword. "Thanks."

I kept my focus on my word search as I found another word and circled it. It was a Saturday night and we were at Hayley's apartment waiting for our pizza to arrive. It took some persuading by both Hayley and Gemma but Clay eventually came around to Hayley being with Happy. Clay just realized that Hayley was happy and Hap was happy and if he wanted Happy in the club he was going to have to allow him to be with his daughter. I had never seen Hayley so bubbly and smiley in her life. She had changed into a completely different person and was even dressing with more color and wearing perfume and declaring her love for Happy at random times throughout the day. She was who I once was. A girl madly and deeply in love with a Son…And willing to do anything for her man.

"How do you say seize the day in Latin?"

I sighed and said, "Carpe diem." I found another word and circled.

"What film won best picture at the Oscars this year?"

I placed my word search down. "Fuck Hayley, why don't I just do the whole damn puzzle for you?"

Hayley frowned. "I'm not as smart as you Lincoln! I struggle."

"Then do a word search."

"I like the challenge."

I rolled my eyes. "No more asking me for answers…That's what Google is for."

"Why would I use Google when I have you?"

It took another fifteen minutes for our pizza to arrive in which Hayley tried to sneak in a few more questions but I hastily ignored her. Hayley brought the box into the living room and placed it on the coffee table. She handed me a beer and I opened the box pulling off a slice.

"You think you'll get the job?"

"Who knows, I'm trying not to think about it."

"They'd be stupid not to hire you."

I took another bite of my slice. "I'm sure not everyone thinks like you."

"Why haven't you spoken to Jax lately?"

"What is with all these questions tonight?"

"I'm sorry…It's just we've been noticing your absence. Ted and I miss you at the clubhouse. For a while you were hanging out with us and going out and then you just stopped."

"There is nothing for me at the clubhouse."

"Of course not…I mean I know you and Jax weren't going anywhere but for a short time we had our Lincoln back and Teddy and I realized we missed that. And then all of a sudden you were serious Lincoln again and you were off working excessive hours at the diner and ignoring us and sleeping when you weren't working. It's safe to say that I practically had to beg you to hang out with me tonight."

"I wanted to hang out with you!"

"That is straight up bullshit. You have been completely me, myself and I for the last month."

"What's wrong with that?"

"What's wrong with that? Everything is wrong with that Lincoln. You're twenty-four and you act like a cat lady, minus the cats. You should be having fun and going out on dates and not worrying so much. You are gonna give yourself a goddamn ulcer."

"Well someone has to worry."

"Of course we all worry but you make it your job."

"What, did you just hang out with me to talk about how unsocial I've been the last month?"

"I wouldn't say that but in a way yes. You need to do things Linc. You can't just work and go home and do a repeat. At least do something different. Did something happen between you and Jax?"

I shook my head. I had never told Hayley about sleeping with Jax for many reasons. One, she was his sister. Two, she had the biggest mouth. Three, it was just awkward. "Of course not…I just kind of realized that he and I aren't meant to be. He and I are two different people and it has to stay like that. I don't want what happened two years ago to happen all over again."

"So you've been ignoring my brother so the past won't repeat itself?"

"I don't feel comfortable talking about this with you."

"You're right sorry," Hayley replied before taking a long gulp from her beer. I could feel her staring at me from the corner of my eye. Hayley wasn't done with the conversation.

"What?" I asked her.

"I'm kidnapping you."

"Not again," I said with a groan.

* * *

My only friend at the clubhouse right now was Chibs. He was semi-sober and I was the only person who would play pool with him. Opie, Jax's best friend, taught me to play pool when I was eighteen. I was good and when money was involved almost everyone wanted me on their team. The party that was going on was staying mostly outside due to the fantastic night weather. I liked it because it wasn't too loud inside and anyone who was inside was either getting another drink or passed out drunk, like Tig.

I easily sunk another ball in the pocket and Chibs sighed.

"Jesus, little lady, I'm never gonna win."

"What? You think I'm gonna let you?"

Chibs smirked. "I kind of need my ten bucks."

After playing over and over, we decided that for our last game we'd each put ten bucks in. It was looking that I was going to be ten bucks richer.

"You should have thought of that before you did all that trash talking."

"I really thought you would have lost your touch!"

"I'm naturally gifted, Chibs, remember?"

"Yeah, yeah," he responded before hitting his striped ball in which it smacked the eight-ball sending it rolling toward the pocket. It fell right on in.

I threw my hands up in the air. "Yes, I win again!"

"Damn it," Chibs said before placing his ten dollar bill in my hand. I just shoved right back toward him.

"Keep it. I just need the satisfaction of beating you, that's all," I said before walking toward the bar for another drink.

"I declare a rematch!"

"Another time, for now I will boast in the glory of my winnings."

Chibs smiled before pointing his finger at me. "You're good, Linc."

I smiled back at him. "Put those ten bucks to good use."

Chibs saluted me before grabbing his drink and heading outside. I took a seat at the bar where one of the prospects handed me a Coke. I smiled at him but didn't say a word. Phil was still around so Jax must have kept his whole incident with me on the down low. However, I didn't want to risk another prospects opportunity of becoming a Son. I had already did that once and I was not doing it again. Phil must have gotten the riot act from Jax though because he's ignored me all night. He wouldn't even look me in the eye.

I thought I would see Jax tonight but so far I hadn't. He wasn't here when I showed up with Hayley and not once had I heard anyone say his name. I was curious as to where he was but I didn't bother to ask. It really wasn't any of my business. I took a sip of my drink and placed it back down. I wanted to go home now. Just like every other time, when I had enough of SAMCRO I had enough. The question was who was going to bring me home? I'd probably be left to walk.

"Have you seen Jax?"

I turned in my seat to see a tall, dirty blonde with a growing baby bump. She had to be about five months pregnant but she looked sickly. Who was she? I had surely never seen her around before.

"Um, no, I don't know where he is. Can I help you with something?"

The woman slumped into the seat next to me and placed her hand on her baby bump. It wasn't hard to see the needle marks. Oh my God. I had to look away before she noticed.

"I'm Wendy, who are you?"

"Uh, Lincoln, it's nice to meet you."

She smiled. "You know Jax?"

"Yeah, I know him."

"I've been trying to contact him for months. I mean he's partially to blame for this," she pointed to her belly and I about threw up.

"Wait, what?" I asked.

Wendy sighed. "We had been hooking up for a while…I guess it's my own fault for lying about not being on birth control. I just…When I found out I was pregnant I was pissed and then I was thrilled. Now I had a reason for Jax to be in my life for good. It was fate."

I stared at her, my breathing quickening. I forced a smile as I slowly stood up. "Could you just excuse me for a second?"

"Sure, thing!" She said waving me off.

I ran to the bathroom and closed the door tightly behind me. This couldn't be true…Could it?


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed and made this story a favorite. This a little shorter than my other chapters but I hope still good! Thanks! **

* * *

I couldn't breathe for what felt like hours. I kept having to take deep breaths and I was one hundred percent sure I was having a panic attack. I gripped the sink and stared at myself in the mirror. This is exactly why I didn't want to get caught up in Jax Teller…Because once you did something came along and fucked it up. And he got to continue on his way while you dealt with the aftermath. Out of all the women in the world he picked a fucking junkie? Doesn't he remember anything…?

Suddenly there was pounding against the door and a voice started to scream. "Hey! Some of us actually have to use the bathroom!"

I stood up straight and gave myself a quick pep talk before turning to open the door. Bobby was waiting and he looked at me with concerned eyes.

"Oh sorry, Linc, I didn't mean to get on you like that."

"It's fine."

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm alright." I began to walk past him when he called my name. "Yes?"

"She doesn't mean anything to him…You know how he is." _Of course I knew. _

I smiled sadly. "It's not really any of my business."

"He should have just stayed with you. At least you're sweet."

"Thanks, I'll see you around."

He smiled at me before entering the bathroom and shutting the door behind him. I walked toward the bar and grabbed my jacket from one of the chairs. Wendy was still where I had left her but she had gotten the attention of the prospect working the bar. She didn't even see me come back or leave. I pushed the clubhouse doors open and shoved my way past the crow eaters, the hang arounds and SAMCRO members. I hated this life. I had never been so sure of something in my life.

Gemma caught me and grabbed my wrist before I could even leave the TM parking lot.

"Whoa there, honey. Where you think you're going this late at night?"

"Home," I replied and rudely pulled my hand away from her. Gemma eyed me curiously and I immediately felt bad. "Sorry, it's just been a long day."

She kept her eye on me. "Give me a sec, I'll drive you home."

"I don't mind walking." I really wanted the fresh air and to think. I wanted to scream at this bitch and I wanted to slap Jax silly. What in God's name was that boy thinking? Oh that's right, he wasn't thinking. His dick was.

"And I don't mind driving you."

I figured it wasn't worth it to fight her. I folded my arms across my chest as I waited for Gemma to run to the office and grab her things. I could see Teddy and Juice in the distance. Teddy was sitting on his lap staring directly at me. I was surprised she hadn't come over to talk to me but in recent days Teddy and I weren't doing much of anything. I've been busy and so has Ted and when we do see each other in the apartment it's when we both just so happen to be in the kitchen. Teddy doesn't understand me and she never has. And when she doesn't understand something she forgets about it. So she can easily forget about her sister.

The loud music was giving me a headache and the smoke made me feel as if I would pass out. I leaned up against the wall and pulled out a piece of gum from my bag hoping it would calm my nerves and growing stomach ache. _Was Jax seriously having a kid? _

It was then a particular motorcycle pulled into TM with a particular man I wanted to see riding it. I was striding over to him before he even realized I was coming.

Jax stood up, took off his helmet and gave me one of his delicious smirks. Oh no boy, not tonight. I mustered all the force I could and placed my hands on his chest pushing him backwards. He stumbled a little before glaring at me.

I smacked his chest and looked him in the eye. "You are hooking up with a goddamn junkie? What the fuck, Jax?"

Jax's face went cold. He knew what I was talking about and he knew it ran a lot deeper than him just hooking up with a junkie. However, whether or not he knew Wendy was pregnant was up in the air. Yet I didn't mind sharing the news.

"What are you talking about?" He shouted and I heard the music begin to lower.

"Oh I don't know. How about you go see? There is a nice pregnant woman sitting at the bar, says the kid is yours. And believe me I know track marks when I see them."

Gemma approached us and looked from me to Jax. "Jackson, what the hell is she talking about? Did you knock someone up?" When Jax didn't answer Gemma stepped in front of him pushing her finger into his chest. "My God, what the fuck were you thinking?"

Jax was done. "I wasn't thinking Mom! And really, you and Lincoln getting on my ass isn't going to help the situation. Who is to say the kid is even mine. Wendy isn't all there."

"No fucking shit," I blurted out.

Jax turned and looked at me. "What the fuck do you care, Lincoln? You were a junkie too."

"Hey!" Gemma shouted. "Don't you dare go there. She was never a junkie and you know that. And if I'm not mistaken you were the one who put her in that situation."

Jax chuckled. "I didn't put the needle in her hand."

I was beyond furious. "No, but the guys who kidnapped me seemed to love to shoot me up. I was their sex rag doll who they didn't mind injecting heroin into whenever they fucking felt like it. Right, Jax? I think that's how it went."

Jax and Gemma were quiet as was every other person in what seemed the universe. I took a deep breath, feeling extremely faint.

"Don't start Lincoln," Jax threatened.

I laughed before stepping forward and looking him in the eye. "All I know is that you're fucking disgusting. Have a great life with your junkie whore."

And then when all the pride I had left in me I walked away, for good.

* * *

"It smells so good in here, Lincoln."

I smiled to myself as I pulled out another batch of cookies. I turned around to place them on the counter when I saw Troy reaching for one on the platter.

"Hey!" I shouted and Troy jumped. "Don't touch. It's for the kids."

"Why can't I have one? I've been stuck smelling these wonderful things bake for the past two hours."

"Because I said so," I replied as I placed another tray into the oven.

"You're using my kitchen. I should deserve one."

"I'm using your kitchen because it's bigger than mine."

"So you're essentially just using me?"

I smirked at him before leaning over and placing a kiss on his lips. "You get one and then you have to quit annoying me."

He kissed me once, twice, three times before I playfully pushed him away and returned to scooping the cookie batter out of the bowl and onto cookie sheets. I saw Troy grab two before walking out of the kitchen and back into the living room where he returned to watching his Sunday football. It was October and I had been free from the diner as of August 18th when I found out that I had gotten the job at the Charming elementary school. After I cried and called my parents and even Ted I went straight to the diner and quit. They were appalled and I will never be able to show my face their again but boy it felt good. Then with all the money I could spare I went shopping, with Hayley and Teddy in tow, to buy new outfits for my upcoming start as a first grade teacher.

It was two days after that when Troy called. At first I was confused since it had taken him such a long time to call but I couldn't say I wasn't happy. He took me out to dinner that night and it started what has become a beautiful relationship. I met Troy a few years back when I started my physical therapy. He was older than me, thirty, but that never stopped me from admiring him even back then. In fact almost every woman admired him. But Troy was a good guy. He was working as a trainer and at a bar trying to make enough money so that he could keep sending money to his ex-wife for their four year old son, who she had taken up to Seattle. I liked him because he worked hard, like me, and that he trusted me enough to share his own battles.

Troy didn't know a lot about me and I planned to keep it that way. He knew what he needed to know and he never pressured me to talk about anything that I didn't want to discuss. Everything was very casual and that's the way I liked it. Sure we were sleeping together, and I would spend a few nights at his place and vice versa, and we did very couple things but we weren't rushing anything. It was all exactly how we wanted it to be.

"YES!" Troy shouted from the living room. The Seahawks must have scored.

Suddenly, my phone began to ring and I placed the spoon I was using down and pulled it out from my back pocket. It was Teddy.

I hit the answer button. "Hello?"

"Hey, sister, what are you doing?"

"Baking what feels like a thousand cookies for school tomorrow. What are you doing?"

"I just got home from work. Why are you baking cookies?"

"The entire first grade is having a pajama party tomorrow. Since there is three classes and three teachers we each said what we would bring in. I offered with the cookies and paper and plastic ware."

"I hope you plan to bring some home for me and Juice."

"God, you are just as annoying as Troy."

Teddy laughed. "How is he?"

"Good, he's watching football."

"Wait are you even coming home tonight?"

"I don't think so. No sense of me bringing the cookies home just to turn around and put them back in my car for school tomorrow. Why do you need something?" Teddy was quiet for a moment and I knew she didn't hang up because I could hear her breathing. "Teddy, what's up?"

"Wendy had the baby today."

I could feel myself go pale and my heart slowed. "What?"

"Yeah…Gemma found her at the house all high on whatever the fuck she uses. They brought her to the hospital and they had to do an emergency C-section. I heard the baby isn't doing good, Linc."

"That's horrible."

"I know. I went with Juice to the hospital but we couldn't find much out. Jax has gone AWOL though."

"What do you mean he's gone AWOL?"

"He was at the hospital with us and then he just snapped. He went off on Wendy and then stormed out of there. No one has heard from him in hours."

"Well, I mean, he hasn't tried contacting me."

"I knew it'd be a long shot but Gemma asked me to call. But, come on Linc, you know the guy better than almost anyone. You know where he might have gone?"

I had an idea. "No, I don't. I'll let ya know if I hear from him."

Teddy sighed. "Okay, thanks. And I miss you. Come home soon."

"I will," I responded before ending the call.

Twenty minutes later, when all my cookies were done and I washed all the dishes, I went into the living room. Troy was focusing on the TV where the Seahawks were up by ten. I put my hand on his shoulder and he turned up and looked at me.

"Oh hey baby, ya hungry? We can run and grab some Chinese from down the street."

"I'm okay. Hey look, I need to run to the store and grab a few things for tomorrow. I'll be back in a little bit. On my way home I can grab the Chinese, if that's good with you."

Troy nodded. "That sounds good to me. I think Danny wanted to have a beer or two anyway."

"Yeah, do whatever. I should be no longer than an hour or two," I said, grabbing my bag from the coffee table.

"No problem, take your time."

I kissed him quickly before picking up my car keys. I waved to him before stepping out and pulling the apartment door shut behind me. In the comfort of my car it took me ten minutes to decide whether or not I wanted to go find Jax. We hadn't spoken since the ill-fated day at the clubhouse and I wasn't exactly sure how our first time seeing each other since then would be. But it seemed like my body made my decision before my mind and I was driving on the road, the windows down, and to the only place I knew he would be.

* * *

**I wonder where he is? **


End file.
